Some students easily make the transition from elementary to middle school, and some don't. In every year of my 18 years of teaching middle school, I have seen kids struggling to succeed. Some common pitfalls include forgetting or losing homework, not being prepared for class with needed materials, not completing work, not navigating from class to class in a timely manner, and the big one, not caring or being motivated to succeed.
So how can parents help their struggling tweens make the transition successfully to middle school? Here are my Top Ten Tips for Tweens in Middle School.
Tip #1. Schedule a daily school review each evening with you tween.
It doesn't have to take long, it just needs to take place. Five minutes or less works. Have your child get out their planner or agenda, and tell you what they did in each class and if there is homework. Have them get out any papers that need your attention. (Put them in the fridge clip if needed - see Tip #3.) If your school doesn't provide a planner, you can purchase one or make one easily. If your child is one who needs motivation to actually fill out a planner or talk to you, here's an idea: No planner filled out, = no dessert. Or no planner = go to bed 30 minutes earlier. Try no planner = do the dinner dishes. You could also try a positive! Planner filled out = 25 cents. Planner filled out for a full week = fun week-end activity. Your job as a parent is to find your kid's currency, so keep trying different things until you find one that works.
Tip #2. Keep a big monthly calendar in your kitchen.
My family's big calendar stays on the kitchen table. It has all of our events- dentist appointments, days off, extra-curricular activities, Back to School night, my meetings, my husband's travel days. Everything that occurs that isn't part of every single normal day goes on the calendar. We can all look at the calendar at dinner time, and add to it. For our daughter, we add her project due dates, test dates, field trips, deadlines. Having the big calendar visible and looking at it daily helps us all to keep track of what's going on and what needs to be prepared for.
Tip #3. Get a big magnetic clip for important papers and keep it on the fridge.
In this clip, train your kid to put all important papers, especially those that needs signatures, money, or additional information. We all get in and out of the fridge many times each day, so keeping the papers there keeps them in our mind. Plus, having a dedicated place for those papers makes them less likely to get misplaced. This is especially helpful if you have to work late and might not see your child before they go to bed. When you get home, you can check the clip and deal with it appropriately.
Tip #4. Before going to bed, get everything ready and in a designated spot.
Easy to do, easy to let slide or forget. In our household, my daughter's backpack, Chromebook, and shoes all go by the stairs. My stuff all goes in my black bag at the end of the kitchen counter. My husband's stuff is in a duffel bag in the computer room. Again, it doesn't matter where, as long as it's the same spot every day. Besides getting your "stuff" ready, it's helpful to lay out clothes as well. When my game is really on, our lunches are made the night before too. When we don't take these steps, our mornings are much more helter skelter.
Tip #5. Decide on a way to keep organized for each class.
Many schools have school-wide system or organization. If so, try to learn as much about that as you can, either from your kid, at Back to School Night, or email one of the teachers. If your school does not have a system, here are some to try. Try to have your tween choose the method that best fits his or her personality.
- Zipper Trapper Keeper: Basically, a binder insider a big material pouch that zips. Pros = helps kids not lose things, room for items besides papers, easy to carry around. Cons = can get messy easily, needs tabs or folders inside.
- A 3-ringed binder with tabs: Get a one or two inch binder, put in colored tabs, and label them for each class. Pros = easy to organize visually, can add lined paper or notebooks, can add a pencil bag, has front and back pouch for homework or important papers. Cons = can be big or bulky, papers need to be 3-hole punched, rings can get messed up, come apart by the end of the year.
- An accordion file: One of those folders that opens up to reveal more folders inside, about the size of manila folders. Pros = easy to label, easy to file papers. Cons = no room for extra items such a pencils, highlighters, etc., harder to flip through to find things
- A spiral and pocket folder for each class: I used this archaic method in high school, and it worked for me. I got a folder and spiral for each class, and each class had its own color. I would switch folders/spirals in between each class. Pros = easy, cheap. Cons = lots of switching out of items, not all items are in one place at one time.
Tip #6. Every week-end, completely empty the backpack and/or go through the aforementioned organization system.
If you don't make cleaning a priority, you will have a hot mess on your hands after two or three weeks. Wait until the end of the quarter, and who knows what you'll find! Pick a time each week-end, put it on the calendar (see #2!), and be faithful! Do not do this by yourself as a parent; your child MUST be a part of this process. If you find papers that are questionable about whether to keep or hand in, paper clip them together and have your child (not you!) write on a sticky note what your question is. On Monday, it will be your child's responsibility to ask the teacher what to do. Write on the calendar that you will ask you child on Monday what the verdict was with those papers. If needed, you can surreptitiously email the teachers that your child has a few questions for them, but please resist the urge to manage the problem yourself. Allow your tween some independence and to work this dilemma without your interference- it will build their confidence and help them mature.
Tip #7: Keep up with needed school supplies.
Middle school teachers do not collect supplies at the beginning of the year. They often have 100+ students that they see each day, and simply cannot keep supplying kids with pencils and paper. Make sure each week to ask your child which school supplies need to be replenished. Some kids transition just fine and manage their supplies flawlessly. Others struggle to stay organized and bring pencils and paper to school. If you have a child who struggles to stay organized, do not, I repeat, DO NOT give them a plethora of supplies. These types of kids have what we call "Feast or Famine Syndrome." They can have 24 pencils on Monday, which makes them rich and thus able to hand out pencils to everybody who needs one or gives them reason to play "pencil break", leaving them pencil-less by Tuesday. Or since they have two packs of notebook paper, they can ball up perfectly good (and blank!) paper to shoot at the trashcan or fold into origami, then have none left for that math assignment. I see this happen all the time, and then when the parent is notified that their child is frequently unprepared with supplies, they are flabbergasted. If needed, give your child a pencil every morning. Or five per week. Offer incentives (positive or negative) if they have the same pencils at the end of the week or lose them. If mishandling supplies becomes a habitual problem, make them buy their own pencils and paper, doing chores to earn the money.
Tip #8. Set a timer for tasks.
For doing homework. For taking a computer break. For organizing a backpack. For taking a shower. I use a timer in my classroom and it's a good motivator for many kids. Sometimes they lose track of how much time has passed, and next thing you know, they've spent an hour checking Twitter or Facebook or whatever. (Let's be honest, this tip is good for adults too! I set a timer for myself!)
Tip #9. Visualize the transitions.
Have your kid talk you through each part of the day. EX: "I get off the bus and go to my locker. The combination is right 32, left past 32 to 15, then right to 24. I hang up my backpack and get out my math book and trapper..." etc. Help him or her make a plan for things that pop up, such as needing to use the bathroom or getting distracted by talking to a friend. Come up with a simple routine for entering each classroom, such as Enter. Pencil. Planner. Participate. (Enter the room, check to see if your pencil needs sharpened, write the assignment in your planner, participate by doing what the teacher asks.)
Tip #10. Talk to your kid. Listen to your kid.
Chat it up with your kid every day, and don't take "nothing" for an answer. Sometimes our kids test us! Follow up that "nothing" with a "why is that?" or a "tell me more" or a "I'm really interested to hear about..." Don't forget that kids need some down time too. When I get home from school, I'm tired and just need a few minutes to unwind. Same with my daughter. If I start peppering her with questions right away, she gets irritated, but after a bit, we talk. Sometimes shoulder to shoulder talking is safer than face to face. We can have good conversations while working on a puzzle, going for a walk, in the car, while I bustle around the kitchen, throwing a frisbee. Eye contact can sometimes be too intense. You can actively listen (nod, say uh-huh or I see, re-state) without staring them down.
Middle school years can be rough, but thankfully, they don't last forever and you only go through them once. All kids are not the same, so not every strategy works with every kid, but chances are the struggles your kid faces are not new. Don't be hesitant to seek help from counselors, teachers, other parents, your own parents, on-line forums. Enjoy this awkward but cute time. Your tween will be grown and out of the house before you know it.
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Thanks! We'd love to hear your comments on how you have helped a middle schooler transition.
K & C
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